whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
