Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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