When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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