it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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