After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
