Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
