it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
