pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
