Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
