All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
