he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
