pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
