It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
