nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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