So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
