My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
