Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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