whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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