Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
