next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
