Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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