you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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