im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
