got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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