There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
