Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
