Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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