I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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