Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
