we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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