she woke up with a sticky ear
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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