you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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