I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
