Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
