you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
