am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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