life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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