I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
