I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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