Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
