I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
