I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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