UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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