my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
