Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
