I wish I only lived at night.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
