2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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