today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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