My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
