apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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