it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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