Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
