Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
