Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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