Kiss
Puke
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
