I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize