I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize