8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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