dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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