Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
