ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
