Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
