it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
