he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
