we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
