i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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