giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
