Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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