I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize