i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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