I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this boner is exhausting
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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