yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
