There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
