She is in my trunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think your dad took our porno
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize