i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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