i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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