Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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