you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
