This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
