i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
