beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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