Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
