I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
