what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
