Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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