Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
