Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
