Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
