She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
