ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
