If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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