when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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