everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
