I think I died a long time ago.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
