dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
