'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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