hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
