I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
These tits shall not be calmed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
