Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
