I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize