how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
FUCK WHALES
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
