The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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