I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
