alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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