This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
