spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She told me I should be a condom model.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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