I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
