i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
