i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
