I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
birth control should be required to get into college
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
