I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
